(no subject)
I need to take the time and write something significant here. My whole life has changed in a matter of months. I'm not sure what to make of it just yet, but I am sure that I'm happy with being able to start my "adult" life.

I'm still grasping at everything I've left behind though, and I just have to push forward. I've yet to do anything social in the 3 weeks i've been here. I'm going home every weekend until the week after thanksgiving as it stands.

I'm excited for NaNoWriMo but i'm totally unprepared. I've just been so busy.. plus I'm trying to actually cook/clean and workout every night. An hour commute and 8.5 hours on base take up a real big chunk of time, plus all the little things like bill paying/trash/mail/laundry. It all adds up quick, next thing I do is see that its 11:00 and I should have been in bed an hour earlier! I haven't even had a chance to game, and I'm starting to see how I may "grow out of it". ... I could never give them up 100% though, they've always been an outlet for me, whether for better or worse.

I'm going home this weekend mostly to get my guitar. I miss it. Dearly.

I also have to go more in depth about my work. Though I can't go too in depth. Part of the whole working for the navy thing. what I can say is that I work down the hall from the rail gun room. yeah. pretty cool. (public knowledge so I can discuss it, lol)

Annnnd its 11:00, I should have been in bed an hour ago...

White Blank Page
So I got a job. I found an apartment. This is all very exciting, but I am terrified. There is so much that has to be done. I have to pack up my life, which really wont be too hard. I don't really have a ton of things, plus I think my parents will let me keep some of my stuff here until I am able to afford a home or at least a place with some storage.

Anyway, some of my friends through me a going away dinner last night.. and its starting to hit me hard how much I'm going to miss some people. Yes, it will be exciting starting from scratch. I'm also really nervous about it.

lame stuffCollapse )

Well, when I get settled in VA I'll have to go out and get to know some people. Good thing I practiced being a social butterfly a little bit.

(no subject)
I am such a masochist. I'm pretty sure I get off on keeping myself emotionally unstable.

That aside,


I am driving 4 hours to interview with this firm, and I have a very good feeling about it. Pretty sure I need a fresh start away from the familiar, and this could do just the trick.

(no subject)
Incomplete thought but:

What a much needed awesome day/night. Free Energy and IKE for free, good hang out spots, great company.

(no subject)
Tonight is strange. I desperately want to be out of my house, but not sure what to do.

(no subject)
Things my brain is currently obsessed with, in order from least to greatest:

Sherlock (BBC series)
Dragon Age: Origins (PC/XBOX RPG)
Mumford and Sons (seeing them live!)
A Song of Ice and Fire

I am thinking about one of these things at pretty much every moment of the day. Its kind of scary and awesome.

(no subject)
I was dumb and went to Trace's apartment on the way home from lunch today.

I'm glad I went, because now I know we're really over. She has no idea what she's doing with her life at all, and thinks maybe this will help her.

I almost feel worse about that then the breakup.

Anyways, I'm done with this topic now, next time I post I won't bitch about a dead relationship.

(no subject)
This seems to have become my official "go to" place to vent.

Right now I feel way better than I should. Not as in good but as in callous. However, the past few days when I've let my mind relax I ended up on the verge of tears. Ok ok, i'm not a macho man. I broke down a few times. Even at work, I left yesterday a bit early because I got all my work done and was doing next to nothing. I ended up not being able to stop thinking about the fact I wouldn't be making dinner for tracey that night, and that I wouldn't be talking to her either.

What I can say is I'm ridiculously thankful that I have some things to be seriously involved with again. Music/GoT/manga, mostly. And my new phone to play with.

Oh, seeing as this is my first post facebook break up, I don't know the etiquette of "ending the relationship". I've decided I'm making her do it, that is if we cant work things out. I've done nothing but love that girl for about 6 years. Took me a year to build the courage (and wait for proper circumstances) to go from friend to dating. I literally would have asked her to marry me if I got a job anywhere with a decent (read: above minimum wage) salary.

I was even window shopping rings to figure one out. So you think that I'd be crippled. I'm still hanging on to the hope that if she is apart from me she'll realize she does miss me and wants me around. At the same time though, I feel down but not to the extent I feel like I should. Odd. I suppose it will come and go. We'll see.

(no subject)
jealousy creeps through my veins
it bleeds through disguised as pain
I'll never be with you
and waste away in shame

Oh what could have been
but what will should be..
shall not impede my desire
i will get up off my knees

Like a train I'm on tracks
the only way to go is ahead
I pray someone damages the rail
and I'll runaway instead

She broke up with me.

I feel ruined.

edit: She says she still loves me. She says, and I knew, that she had been feeling about me differently for a while. She kept it to herself because she didn't want to lose me.

So, being the dumb ass I am, I asked if there is any way we can work things out. Our conversation ended there. I think that's because she finally mentioned it so that I would be lost to her.

But she says she still loves me, and I know its bullshit but I can't help wanting to believe we can work it out.

I'm a sucker. And hopeless.


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